Looking Back and Moving Forward

It’s hard for me to look at my last post and remember that it was only several months ago that I wrote it. It seems instead like it was years ago. And while I am glad some of the things I had concerns about are now resolved (or are on the way to being resolved), I recognize that we aren’t out of the woods yet.

If you are anything like me, during this long summer and into fall, you may have some new symptoms from the chronic illnesses popping up due to the stress. I’m sure that this isn’t unusual, given the circumstances. And I think that fact needs to be shouted from the rooftops right now. Because again, if you are like me, you’ve been berating yourself for not being able to handle things on a day to day basis like you used to. But it’s OK we didn’t know that then, as long as we acknowledge it now.

And again, like me, I’m sure there were times that you were so overwhelmed that all you could do is grab the nearest comfort food (anything crunchy, warm and/or salty for me), head for the couch, grab the remote and find the first food-based reality competition you haven’t already seen to space out and feed your face.

It finally took my taking a breath and looking back on my personal behavior to realize that what I was doing was OK. It might have not been the best coping mechanism, but it was the only one that helped at times. I wasn’t doing significant damage to myself, and while I did portion out things the best I could at that time. And I got through it. I got through the anxiety-laden days of work, seeing the inequality and environmental issues loud and clear, being angry at myself for not doing more, and trying to keep myself safe from the virus all while I’m getting headlines from every media outlet screaming about shit being wrong, and dealing with family who choose to believe much differently than I did.

So now, I think we need to do two things. First, we need to take a moment to celebrate. I survived these past several months, even though there were a couple times I wondered if I would. And you, dear reader, you who may have a chronic illness like I do, or even if you don’t but found yourself in a much, much harder place mentally than you ever have before, you survived it too. And dammit, that is worth celebrating.

Second, we have to start planning for the next months. We have a midwest winter coming, which isn’t fun with chronic illness. We have new symptoms to figure out how to treat, and we have a pandemic that we have to protect ourselves against. And while we don’t know what societal issues will pop up, we have the ability to look back to find clues on both treating our new symptoms as well as thinking about what additional coping mechanisms we can use to get through the next couple months. (And one note, I’m certainly not giving up that salty/warm/crunchy comfort food and I don’t think you should give up that somewhat unhealthy coping mechanism either. I’m simply saying find more of them so that we have a bigger toolbox to draw from).

So the first thing I did to prepare is to look at my medications and changed them based on my new symptoms. And while I hate being on some of these particular ones due to the fact that my body can become dependent on them, I have to do it, at least for now. I can revisit the medication changes in the spring once we can move forward with a vaccine and try to get back to normal.

The next thing I did was to start a new activity regimen. I’m not going to call it an exercise regimen. What I’m doing instead is working on being active every single day. It may be walking my dog, sitting on the floor or on the couch and doing 10 minutes of stretching or modified yoga, doing my Sunday run or just working with a therapy ball on my hands and wrists while watching TV. I want to give my body something. Sure, it’s somewhat broken, but it’s still getting me through things, and my giving something back to it makes me feel better. That regimen is going to look different for everyone, and that is OK. the biggest thing you are doing with it is giving something back to your body. The thing I have learned in these past months is that when it comes to exercise, it doesn’t take much to help your body work a little better.

Thirdly, I’m going to continue to track what and how much I eat. No, I’m not putting myself on a diet. Sure, I am giving myself a calorie guideline, but if I pass that, I’ll simply enjoy the sound of it swooshing by. (Just like deadlines!)

I’m going to be tracking my food simply to be mindful of it, not to beat myself up for not eating enough or too much. Being mindful of the overeating coping mechanism, at least to me, allows it to be more effective. I’m making a choice to eat more because I feel upset by something. And while I’m writing that information down in my food tracking app, I’m also subconsciously examining what emotions are going on that made me want to overeat in the first place. That may not seem like much during the situation where you want to overeat, but it will do wonders for when you have time to look back again at this next trial.

Lastly, and most importantly, I’m going to be easy on myself. So long as I make a conscious effort to track my food for the day and do some sort of activity for the day, I’m good. Some days I won’t be able to do either, and that is going to be OK.

With these new tools, and the allowance of thinking a little more clearly thanks to new medications to help with these new symptoms and flare ups, I think I’m better prepared for this tough winter season. And hopefully this post will help someone else think about things differently so that they will also be a little more prepared. Because even if it is in our own individual homes, we are all in this together.

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