The Best Laid Plans of Chronic Illness Sufferers go Awry

I’m looking back on this blog after another exceptionally long time away and realizing that I really (yet again) didn’t have much control over the hiatus, and the date of my last post clearly proves that. Not long after that post, I injured my back while moving large tubs of cat litter around my office to vacuum (we have four cats, and with that quantity, the little litter boxes they sell don’t work very well. Large storage bins of litter are much better for the cats, but not easy on the body!).

The injury was a tear in the muscles around my L2/L3 vertebrae, caused by twisting while holding roughly 30 pounds of weight precariously. And of course, I did what almost any chronic pain sufferer does with pain; I tried to ignore it and keep moving, because I felt like I didn’t have much of a choice to do anything else.

But unfortunately the pain wouldn’t let up. In fact, it got so bad that I ended up taking multiple doses of my precious last-resort hydrocodone a day. So a first trip to the doctor was made about a week later, the diagnosis was made, and I was sent home with the blessing to take more hydrocodne as I needed, but to take it easy.

So I took it easy. Or, at least I thought I did. But as the pain continued to slowly build, my mobility started going out the window. It got to the point where all I could do was come home and sit either in bed or lay on the couch with ice packs, topical creams, heat wraps, OTC meds and the use of my emergency hydrocodone.

Finally, I went back in October to my doctor, who suggested I go see a physical therapist for manual therapy. I had done manual therapy before, but I was not prepared for the intense and painful work that was needed to get me back in shape.

I should have realized I was in for a long haul when my physical therapist used the words “hot mess” to describe my back and pelvis. Not only had the muscles not healed, but my pelvis had tipped, one side had twisted away from the other AND moved forward. And along with the muscles healing, my Thoracic spine wasn’t doing much better. I had twists in T4 on both sides of my spine, causing me pain that I had simply thought was fasciitis for all of these years. All of this also caused muscles around my spine to *think* like they were in a normal position, so when they moved back into their proper position after the spine was straightened and the pelvis put back, they decided to rebel for days with muscle spasms as they had no idea what to do in this new ‘normal.’

Three full months of regular therapy later, I’m finally starting to move again. I’m slowly adding more exercise back into my regimen, I’m back at work after a bit of a break, and I’m starting to feel like my normal self again. I’m not out of the woods by a longshot. My physical therapist thinks that it’s going to be another three full months before the muscles in my back fully heal, and the rest of my back muscles start to get fully acclimated into this new ‘normal’ position. Until then, no real, heavy lifting and I have exercises I must do daily in order to keep things in their proper place.

The entire situation has been very hard. But this is what it means to have fibromyalgia. Clearly there were things going on in my body that I chalked up to fibro pain that clearly were not. But with fibromyalgia, it’s hard to tell what is simply the fibro, and what is an actual injury. And I’m sure I’m not the only fibro sufferer that has this issue.

But now that I’m starting to feel a little better, my resolution is to post here more often. I want to share my story of chronic pain, not to ask for a pity party or for others to feel sorry for me, but because I find strength from sharing. Sharing my journey helps me understand what I can do better, what mistakes I made and what real strength I have when I read what it is I’ve done. It’s healing, and it’s powerful. And hopefully, someone else may read this and it will help them know their struggle is not a solitary one.

So in the coming months I have lots of ideas for posts and am looking forward to sharing my story, my ideas for dealing with this shitty disease and hopefully hearing about others stories as well.

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